Yesterday I had a discussion with a new friend about the subject of masturbation (self stimulation) as it relates to holiness and sanctification. My friend has, like most of us, been taught that self stimulation is the sin of fornication and therefore should be avoided always whether you are single or married.
There are scores of Christian singles crying out, "what am I s'posed to do with these feelin's??!!" and, "if God didn't want me doin' stuff why do I have these desires?" These are fair questions. And singles are not the only ones asking them. There are plenty of married folks who are un or under fulfilled in their sexual relationships, at least from time to time.
Now, it is natural for Christians to attribute these queries to spiritual dysfunctions. The common answers being that if a person prayed harder, fasted more, spent time being "productive" they would not have sexual urges. Similarly, in marriage, it is believed that if the husband and wife are "on one accord" the sex will be great. It has been said that if a married person is not satisfied sexually by his/her spouse that it is an indication of a problem in the marriage.
So, I've done some research on this topic and what I've discovered has amazed me and challenged me to reevaluate the teachings I grew up with and even taught to my children. First, fornication by definition is consensual sexual intercourse between two people not married to each other (www.merriam-websteronline.com). So, by definition masturbation is NOT fornication.
As a matter of fact, the word "fornication" derives from the Latin word "fornix" which means "archway" or "vaults". This was a common euphemism for brothel as prostitutes could be solicited in the vaults beneath Rome. The word "fornicatio" means "done in the archway" referring to sex with prostitutes. So, technically, fornication is sex with a prostitute. (wikipedia.com) "Fornication" was improperly translated as meaning "sexual immorality" which serves as a blanket for all sexual perversions and deviancy.
Now, we ought not use this information as a "free pass" to sin. What is sin? Sin is behavior of the heart which separates us from God. A healthy sexual relationship nurtures a person's spirit and strengthens a relationship. Sex with strangers or multiple partners will dilute a person's spirit and reduce their effectiveness as Kingdom builders. The abstinence message from the scripture, in my understanding, is about protecting one's spirit. Knowing what we know today about the threat of STD's the abstinence message is also about protecting one's health.
So, this brings us back to masturbation and sanctification. Can the two go hand in hand? From what I understand the answer is yes. Sanctification and holiness means to be set apart. Setting myself apart, waiting for that special someone, is holiness. Dealing with the realities of my physical yearnings is between me and the Lord and does not require or necessarily include another person.
I believe that it is perfectly normal and acceptable behavior for a man or woman to bring themselves to orgasm when need be. Now, before all you good Christians choke, consider this: it was once believed that female hysteria was caused by a "wondering womb" which was cured by masturbation. This process of manual stimulation was performed by a mid wife and later by doctors. In the late 1800's the first vibrator (steam powered) was invented and the newer model in the 1900's was among the first "domestic appliances" to be electrified. In these days masturbation was a medical condition for which one could be prescribed a vibrator.
So, masturbation, though it has been made to be something "nasty" and "perverted" and "vile" really is no more than handlin' your business. A Christian does not have choose between physical comfort and spirituality, they are interconnected. A Christian does not have to live with the guilt and shame and condemnation of touching themselves or reaching orgasm by themselves. A Christian can relieve themselves and remain set apart.
Let me close by saying this: I believe in erring on the side of caution. So, if it feels like sin to you, don't do it, just don't project your restrictions on others. The spirituality of sexuality requires one to be healed in their spirit in order to be free in their sexual expressions. Whether your sense of freedom is masturbating or suppressing let it be your choice, your decision based upon your knowledge, revelation, and relationship with God.
